I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
