I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
