White coat. Heels.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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