So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You made out with two different species that night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
