How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
