I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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