She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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