someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
