All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
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My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
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I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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