my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The struggles of a small town man whore
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
