if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
