what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
