I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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