wake up i wanna do it froggy style
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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