it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
