What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
