I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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