i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
