Don't make out with my wife yet
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
