Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
