OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
