look no pants
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
