Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You have to summon your inner elephant
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The struggles of a small town man whore
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
