just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
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