Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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