If i come over, it means nothing
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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