Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
