Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
