Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
