I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
