I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
