he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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