I think I won the penis lottery.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
