Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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