Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
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I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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