I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
