i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
