your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
