how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
