Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
