her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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