Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
