i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
