Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
