you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
