i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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