I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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