My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
