I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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