tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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