woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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