I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
