I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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