you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
