sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
