We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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