Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
