you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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