No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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