That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
