I have demons in me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
