I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
