Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
