Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
