Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
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Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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