If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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