What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
