he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
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one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
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Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
and you fell through a lawn chair
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.