you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets