marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?