I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
