I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.