Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize