this beer tastes like vomit already
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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