all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
