I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
