This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
