I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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