Plan B is the new Plan A
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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