well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
