Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize